Every time I go through grindr, the profiles always have the letters “No fems, no fats” and it hurts me because the gay world has become a small community where looks have become a priority. I was talking to a friend the other day, a friend I have known for a very long while. We were discussing aloud about how gay in homophobic countries are very particular about “No fems”.  My friend, a West-African was recounting to me bitterly all the terrible experiences he went through in his country simply because he was feminine.

“West-Africa is a very bad place to be gay and feminine. But what these gay tops or verse gay tops fail to understand is that we bottom didn’t choose to be feminine. So I met this guy on grindr, someone I had come to admire. He lived far away from where I lived and so hooking up was not very easy and we decided to keep up the good conversation. We didn’t stop having sex but then we decided to have an online relationship and still enjoy our selves real life till we had any reason to get together. However, the friendship would heighten and we would fall in love. And so one day while I was on holiday, he asked me to come over to his house. I was kind of scared because many guys had rejected me in the past because I was feminine and I wasn’t so sure if he was going to like me. I mean I had a very big ass and was so good in bed but these assholes simply based their expectations on first impression. One even went to the extent of telling me that if he wanted a girl he knew where to find one that he was meant to be dating a boy not a boy-girl or effeminate.

Fast forward to the present. I took a bus headed to his location and would get to meet him the day later. When I arrived, I call;ed him that I was there and that he  should come to pick me as I was standing under the scorching heat. I waited for another three hours when I got a text he sent saying he didn’t like fems and that if he knew I was fem, he could have blocked me on grindr and whats app a long time ago. So I had to take another bus back to my home immediately.  That experience has not left me”

This is actually the state of affairs in most homophobic parts of the world. Because they don’ want to be caught they wouldn’t want to walk with an effeminate man or fat man.  Some who are more hypocritical would accept to fuck you hard and really enjoy the sex indoors but outside, they don’t know you.While some might claim it is a mere matter of preference, I see these as hypocrisy and discrimination because being gay should be more than no fem,no fats. What’s your say?

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